A Path to Healing

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This world is full of courageous people doing their best to survive their current heart-wrenching reality and hope they get through it, only to face yet another one. This seems to be the trend for a lot of us, especially over the last several years. 

Being part of the coaching industry, I hear countless stories every day. They range across a wide scale from moments of triumph to heart-wrenching realities. One thing I have found amongst all these conversations is that everyone has faced some type of trauma.

Even though many of these people have done their best to heal themselves, they still struggle through those challenges all over again when different triggers show up, especially if they are visualizing those memories. There is nothing wrong with having these stories in your book. Transformation comes from putting these experiences to paper, but that doesn’t make facing those traumas any less difficult.

Women hugging for healthy healingDid you really heal yet?

I am currently working with a lot of people that are struggling with business, relationship and life struggles. Some of their stories shake me to the core, I often wonder if I could survive these similar situations, but then when I tell them my stories of survival, they say the same about my past. This reaction is completely normal; writing about these events, can be terrifying, but is an important step in finally starting the healing process.

The good news is that you are not alone! If you are writing about these darkest times right now, you are further along in your growth than you might realize.​

For some, healing may feel a long way off, but I have witnessed friends with some of the most traumatizing stories be able to heal and grow to the point of being able to talk about their lives in an inspirational way. Learning from your mistakes and not falling into the same situations, but actually changing they way you approaching life is essential for your growth and happiness.


I am not saying that I am a qualified therapist who performs miracles. I am here to share that these people, as well as myself, have done the work and chose to reconstruct their traumas into fuel to create the change they wish to see in their lives.​

Whether your taking a nice bath, enjoying candles, getting tarot card readings, getting out in nature or using other forms of self healing and there are a ton. Keep going, my friend. The trauma does not have to run the show. It can be a tool for you to create an immense amount of change, because you are discovering a deeper understanding for those who have gone through similar circumstances. Those people probably need your courage more than ever, so let them in and let the natural healing begin.

Don’t forget to take deep breaths. Take care of yourself through the process and trust that it will come together in perfect timing. Don’t forget to reward a job well done, even the little steps need to be rewarded.

Golfing Barefoot

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Golf Stuff!
MARCH 13, 2022
Green grass helps ground you to mother earth and releases toxins, relieves tension and reduces stress. Go golfing with bare feet and you can get back to spirit more often.

People are always surprised that I golf barefooted. I golf this way because I love the feel of the cool grass on my feet, it helps me to ground to earth, relax in nature and get back to my spiritual self. I get to see lots of beautiful natural scenes, even if I’m in the city most golf courses still have acres of greenery and water features.

The golf courses I usually frequent have lots of big green trees, layers of plants and flowers with huge amounts of green grass, all surrounded by huge layers of mountains. Most of the courses also have a cool running stream and lakes within them, so you usually lose a few balls and break a lot of tees trying to get over them. The occasional wild animal bounding past me is an absolute joy to see.  

Beautiful four point buck in nature, go golfing to reconnect with nature and enjoy spirit and get out of the city to get yourself centered, back in peace, less stressed, reduce depression and feel joy

A couple of years ago I was golfing at a course that was nestled right up next to the Wasatch Mountains in Utah, USA. It was a cool day and this course has more tall trees than most. I hit my ball straight down the fairway and up onto the green. That was an exceptional hit for me. My average good hits is one in four. 

As my golf ball landed and rolled to a stop, I noticed a big four point buck standing off to the side. The ball had startled him, he straightened up his head, his big ears shooting around to the right and then to the left, trying to hear where the danger is, then he looked right at me with a majestic stance, big brown eyes  and in a flash he bound off the course and disappeared into the trees. What an absolute treat to see. Made my heart sing, gratitude swelled up inside me and for a moment I couldn’t move. Well, until my golf partner urged me to keep golfing, we don’t have time to stand around, as someone was coming up behind me.  

Most golf courses are green and lush with trees, grass and water features. Its the closest thing to nature in a big city and golfing barefoot helps me ground back to nature. Sometimes the sheer beauty of a golf course takes my breath away.

Being in nature, grounding and seeing sites like that are the reason I go golfing and love it so much. I’m not even that good at the game and don’t even keep score. However, I go with friends, so I also get quality time to enjoy our friendship and in a crazy world like this, we can all use a bit more quality time with our friends and loved ones.  

What is Orgone Energy?

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Orgonite works by drawing in energy through its matrix, which is made with resin and metals, the organic and inorganic materials.

“Wilhelm Reich’s discovery of orgone began with his research of a physical bio-energy basis for Sigmund Freud’s theories of neurosis in humans. Wilhelm Reich believed that traumatic experiences blocked the natural flow of life-energy in the body, leading to physical and mental disease. Wilhelm Reich concluded that the libidinal-energy that Freud discussed was the primordial-energy of life itself… Orgone was everywhere and Reich measured this energy-in-motion over the surface of the earth. He even determined that its motion affected weather formation.” Quote by: The Thought Company

Orgonite is based on two principles. It is a mix of resin (organic, as it is based on petrochemicals), and metal shavings (inorganic). A quartz crystal is also added because of its piezoelectric properties, which means that it gives off a charge when it is put under pressure (resin shrinks when it is cured, so constant pressure is put on the quartz crystal). Due to the fact that the elements contained in orgonite are constantly attracting and repelling energy, a “scrubbing” action takes place, along with the charge that the crystal gives off, this cleans stagnant and negative energy, and brings it back to a healthy, vibrant state.

Wherever you place these orgone they keep the air and life force in the home clean and positive. It is a great centerpiece for a business or home environment- kids room, kitchen, living room etc. They can be placed anywhere you want to clear ambient energy!

Inside every Orgonite pendant is a crystal quartz. This crystal returns the energy to a natural, balanced and healthy state.

Geometric shaped Orgone pendant for energy healing and to protect from negative spirits.

This powerful, geometric shaped Orgone Pendant aids in protection from harmful EMF frequencies while at the same time balancing your energy field. All our Orgonite Pendants feature my original artwork, made with love and positive intention. Each piece is crafted by hand. All crystals used in the process are cleansed and cleared to ensure our devices are holding the highest intent. Each and every pendant is then sanded, shaped and polished by hand, giving the surface a balanced, glossy, and smooth finish. Our pendants are master crafted using the highest quality crystals, resin [not plastic] they are a labor of love and our intention is to create healing, protective and powerful amulets for you that will last a lifetime. Material: Obsidian + alloy + white crystal + gold foil + resin

Some benefits of Ogonite (varies based on gemstones used):

  • Clearing negative energy
  • Improves sleep and dreams
  • Purifies the air
  • Reduces Stress and increases energy
  • Helps plants to flourish
  • Improves meditation, spiritual and psychological growth.
  • Reduces radiation. Decreased sensitivity to EMFs
  • Balanced moods

Use for Chakra Tune Ups, Astral Travel, Remote Viewing, Past Life Exploration, Vivid Dreams/Dream Healing, Reiki, Space/Land Clearing, Physical Healing and helps repel evil spirits. Self Help – Self Healing – Self Discovery, High Vibes Meditation Tools.

By dragoyle.com

My Protector, “The Gargoyle”

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Gargoyles are believed to offer protection to humans from evil, by detecting evil at night, transforming from stone to living flesh and bone, then off the scare the forces of evil away, keeping humans safe from harm. There are many avid collectors of these fascinating mystical creatures who enjoy them for many reasons. I originally started collecting Gargoyle statues when the popular animated television show “Gargoyles” came out in 1994.

From the first episode, I was hooked on the new animated series, the thought that some great creature would protect me while I sleep or go out at night was inviting to me and gave me the life long desired gift of security. Of course, I knew that those “Gargoyles” were just cartoons, but finding gargoyle statues to collect soon became one of my obsessions.

From the first episode, I was hooked on the new animated series, the thought that some great creature would protect me while I sleep or go out at night was inviting to me and gave me the life long desired gift of security. Of course, I knew that those “Gargoyles” were just cartoons, but finding gargoyle statues to collect soon became one of my obsessions.

.I also enjoyed He-Man, which first aired in 1983 and Thunder Cats, which first aired in 1985. Who can forget Silver Hawks in1986 and X-Men: The Animated Series in 1992.

He-Man Animated Series, 1983

Gargoyle statues first became popular in medieval times when they were originally designed as waterspouts, an architectural necessity transformed into a functional fantasy. These fantastic statues adorned the buildings of western Europe, peering down from cathedrals, churches, houses and town halls. A society of stone creatures perched high above the mundane world.

What’s fascinating about the introduction of these stone monsters, sitting on the top cathedrals and churches, is that these ornamental creatures were given a deeply symbolic and spiritual significance, which originates from pre-Christian pagan beliefs. Early Christian leaders used the appearance of the gargoyle to scare pagans to worship, which actually improved general church attendance.

Once absorbed fully during the 12th century, it was only a matter of time before the gargoyle was fully appropriated by churches and many other buildings. Gargoyles were then deemed the protective being.

The gargoyle has been believed to be one of the ‘defenses against the Devil’. This interpretation of the gargoyle, as a ‘sort of sacred scarecrow’, subsequently inspired artists and authors to create truly grotesque artistic creations to keep such evil away from sacred places and protect the Church’s loyal churchgoers. It’s rumored that they had to be this way to be scarier than evil itself, so evil would be afraid and vacate the land.

The fearful unknowing debated these perfect creations were merely stone demons—representations of ‘evil forces’ like wickedness and enticement—which lurked outside the safe confines of church and waited with patience for its next unfortunate victim.

However, the gargoyle sitting atop Notre Dame de Paris take their roles as protector a step further than most and apparently keep an eye out for people drowning in the Seine River in Paris, France. There are many artistic designs of gargoyles, some feature an variety of animals, humans and fantastical creatures, as grotesque guardian angels.

Another representation along this vein suggests gargoyles were the embodiment of unpardonable ‘souls condemned for their sins’ and while they were saved from damnation in hell, the cost of their transgressions is being petrified and placed on top of a church, in which they are no longer permitted to enter.

Gargoyles were created during a period of time where most of the people were illiterate in Western Europe. Throughout the years, they became a fantastical form of amusement and were partly responsible for forming of peoples behavior.

It’s no secret that humans have a fascination horror and gruesome things. This is just part of human nature and is one of the many reasons why gargoyles have continued to stay in popular society today. Sculptors haven’t abandoned these beautiful beasts and new carvings still appear on modern buildings around the world. The oldest gargoyle is found on a building in Turkey. It’s 13,000 years old and looks like a crocodile. The ancient Egyptians, Romans and Greeks also carved gargoyles to use as drain spouts on their buildings.

I have over 50 gargoyle statues, my favorite being my original 8 foot tall gargoyle mailbox in my front yard, made 100% of refurbished metal from Mike’s Metal Shop.

Today, gargoyle statues are mostly ornamental in function, taking visitors to your garden on a journey to Italy, France, or Spain and giving your garden an ancient, timeless look. Gargoyles in the garden can be used to shock, surprise, and entertain you and your guests. Gargoyle garden statues are believed to offer protection from evil, and there are many avid collectors of these fascinating and mystical creatures today.

Why I’ve Always Loved Dragons

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by Kameron Barkle

Realistic big dragon flying in the sky over the evening forest. Illustration for fabulous, fiction or fantasy backgrounds.

Whenever someone asks me “What’s your favorite animal?” or “What animal would you be if you could?” I always answer by saying “dragons”. Sure, maybe they don’t technically exist in the form most people think of them, but so what? They are so cool! They are mystical, powerful, beautiful creatures. They captivate the imagination. They combine many elements of some of the world’s most beloved animals – from their dazzling, colorful scales to their fierce talons and fangs to their ability to soar above the clouds.

Many also breath fire! Dragons are the ultimate animal. Top of the food chain. Mighty, yet graceful. Enigmatic, yet almost universally admired worldwide. How could you not love dragons? They are the subject of ancient folklore. They are celebrated in some civilizations as symbols of peace and good luck. Some think of them as symbols of sheer power, commanding respect and deference. Dragons truly are magnificent.

I personally love all the endless varieties of sizes, colors, and features with which artists have rendered them over the years. When I was a kid I was given a book of dragons for Christmas. I absolutely adored it. I used to pour over the pages for hours, gazing at all the different types of dragons contained in them. Some were large and striking in appearance. Some were small and slender. Some were red with fiery eyes, some were deep blue with yellow stripes or spots. Some had exquisitely shiny green scales. Others were brown or dark-grey and appeared to have blind, silvery eyes. Some were covered in spikes. Some had broad, flat heads with long whiskers that looked almost like mustaches. All were drawn in great detail. I loved to not only look at the beauty of each one but I also wondered what they would be like if I were to meet them. Some looked like they would have pleasant temperaments and would quite enjoy a visit, while others looked like all they wanted to do was guard their enormous piles of treasure.

As an adolescent I quite enjoyed the depictions of dragons by artist Myles Pinkney. I used to own a calendar by Pinkney with a dozen drawings in it of wizards and their dragon companions. After the year was over I carefully cut out each picture and hung them on my bedroom wall. 

Dragons are so popular that they are featured in scores of movies and TV shows. The first to come to my mind are Merlin (the live action film with Sam Neill), Disney’s Mulan, Harry Potter, and Falkor, the magic luck dragon in The Neverending Story. There are of course so many more. Dragons can play a key role in unforgettable stories such as these. Ask yourself, what would these movies be like without dragons? Not to mention the countless books with dragons in them.

Just this last summer I read a book by Laurence Yep called Dragonwings. It’s a story of a Chinese family moving to San Francisco in the late 1800’s. Part of the reason I enjoyed the book so much was because of how dragons are incorporated in the story. The father reveals how it is his belief that he was a great dragon in a previous life and that his mortal life as a human is a test. If he passes the test well, he will be allowed to return to his once glorious life as a dragon. It is this belief that fuels his desire to build a flying machine (a primitive airplane) which he calls Dragonwings. He desperately wants once again to feel what it was like to glide through the air like he used to do. I also enjoyed the story because the main character – a young Chinese boy – teaches his young American friend that back in his home country, dragons are considered to be kind, helpful, majestic creatures, not the brutal killing machines western society sometimes makes them out to be.

Heck, even the most valuable Pokémon card on the market is a dragon Pokémon: the classic Charizard. Have you ever searched the most expensive Charizard cards on eBay? (Hint: they list for hundreds of thousands of dollars). When I was a kid I also used to love collecting and displaying dragon figurines. I still have some, actually. I love how they are made with different materials, and how some come with snow globes or colored lights, or both. Those were some of the coolest birthday gifts I ever received. I even had one that was a 3 ½ foot tall figurine of a dragon snaking its way around a castle! It was awesome! Which also reminds me of how popular dragons are as carnival prizes too. Always a big hit with the kids. Much better than some of the shapeless, boring new designs these days. I remember one summer I saw a mini golf carnival game that caught my eye because the jumbo prize was a sweet stuffed dragon. Three different color schemes, nonetheless. I usually stay away from most carnival games but those prizes looked so cool, I had to try! I ended up hitting the farthest hole-in-one 6 times and won 6 of those awesome dragons! Woohoo! A lady walking by saw my big pile of prizes and she even paid me to win one for her! It was such a blast!

These are some of the reasons why dragons are so incredible and why I love them so much. The next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is, think of the majestic, mighty dragons!

April Fools or Bully’s Day

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I don’t understand why so many people are pushing to stop bullying when there is a day dedicated to it, which is a national holiday. Why are we allowing a day of bullying, pranks and cruelty in these great untied states? I hate April Fools Day! Every year I fear and fret when its getting closer, its like torture waiting to see if I’m going to be a victim again this year. A victim of bullying on a day that it is allowed and celebrated.

In the online site dictionary.com it gives the definition of bullying as …

… a blustering, mean, or predatory person who, from a perceived position of relative power, intimidates, abuses, harasses, or coerces people, especially those considered unlikely to defend themselves:

or to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable).

Anytime I’ve been the victim of an April Fools prank, I felt harmed, intimidated and vulnerable. People picked on me, teased me and harassed me constantly, but when April Fools came around I got it ten times worse. So then, what is the difference in an April Fools day prank and bullying?

The Untied States claims that they are taking action towards stopping bullying, but then why is this still a holiday? In an article written on stopbullying.gov it states, “Bullying can have lasting impacts on everyone involved: the person being bullied; bystanders who witness the bullying; and the person who bullies others. “

I know my past has affected the way I see this unusual holiday, but for the sake of those who have been bullied, has PTSD or have violent pasts, can we please discontinue this stupid holiday! I would love to not be terrified once a year, every year. April Fools scares me and Halloween does not, what does that say to everyone out there.

Ways to Increase Your Online Visibility

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There are so many ways to increase your online presence, but if you don’t know what you’re doing you could cause damage to your rankings and reputation instead of improving it. It’s a full time job to keep up with all the changes, new strategies and constant challenges of practical digital marketing solutions. 

If you’re new to this concept, you’ve noticed that the monster of internet marketing isn’t as easy as taking one bite at a time. You can’t see the end of the tunnel due to the massive amounts of information that is available, confusing every pathway to the light. Besides, who do you believe?  Who can you trust to make sure you’re doing what you need to make sure you are visible online, showing up for your top key phrases, getting great reviews, while having an SEO optimized website that brings in the best possible ROI.  How much money do you need to spend?  How aggressive do you really need to be? What do you really want to accomplish with your current digital presence?

Most of my customers are trying to either use their online presence to generate new leads and bring in new customers and more revenue or they are creating an online presence, so that when consumers are looking for their company, they show up and find what they need.  

If you’ve already looked into digital marketing, you know that hiring a digital marketing firm to take care of all the many ways you need to market your company on the internet isn’t cheap. That’s because it isn’t easy, as it takes a lot of time. The constant training and updating required along with the slew of digital tools to see analytics and do backend optimizations are all necessary so you can make sure everything you are doing is actually working.  However, there are a few things that you can do on your own that will help, especially if you are in a small town with not many competitors. Keep in mind that if you’re looking to rank and aggressively be at the top of Google, you’ll need to hire outside help. 

I’ve spoken to a lot of business owners who have reported trying to figure out how to rank on their own, spending hours and hours a day for months, even years, but not getting any results. At this point, these business owners gave up, knowing that not having good online representation reduced their incoming calls, hurting their business revenue and in some cases, even having to close their company and go bankrupt. 

There are numerous online articles, videos and websites that can help a business create an effective online marketing strategy, but one wrong move and you could be blacklisted by Google. If that happens, good luck. Without a professional that is constantly training and learning all the new updates online, you’ll not be able to get off that list and all of your efforts will all be for not.  You might as well higher a professional in the first place. This way you can concentrate on your company, making money and providing the best products and services out there. Your marketing company can concentrate on bringing you new leads, new customers and better visibility overall. 

Bring in New Leads on Your Own

It is possible to create a website on your own that can bring you new customers.  There are so many options available, but the website platform I like the most is WordPress.  It’s pretty easy, has a lot of design options, widgets and graphics to choose from and is used by nearly 1/3 of all professional website designers. There is a bit of a learning curve, especially if you’ve never created a website before, but all the answers are in the help section or you can find pretty much any informational video you need on YouTube. 

When you are creating content for your website try to come up with something unique, don’t just copy and paste from a competitors site as you can get into trouble with plagiarism.  You can get ideas, but be sure to re-write them into your own thoughts and add some additional facts or personalize it to your own company.  Write about what makes you different or sets you apart from others, why consumers would want to pick you over a different company, how many years of service you have and what products and services that you specialize in that shows that you are a expert in your field.  You need to show value to your potential website viewers, so they stay on your site to read more about you, creating an emotional response which entices them to buy with you instead of your competitors. 

Blogging

Blogging takes a lot of time and effort, but is one of the most essential parts of higher rankings on Google. With continued updates on your website with new blogs, it shows that you are an expert in your field and that your website is relevant and should be served up as a result for a key-phrase search. This increases your digital footprint and brings more new consumers to your website, resulting in more new customer leads. If you don’t have time to sit down, write good professional content, valid and relevant to your field at least once a week, Hire Someone!

Reviews are Essential 

84% of people trust online reviews as much as their friends and family.  Consumers read an average of 10 reviews before feeling able to trust a business. 57% of consumers will only buy from a business with 4 or more stars. 89% of consumers also take into account the business responses to the reviews that were left. 

You can get reviews by waiting for someone to place one for you, but you’ll most likely end up with more negative ones than positive. Don’t get me wrong, you probably are awesome at your business, provide excellent customer service and work hard to make sure your customers are happy and satisfied. However, you know as well as I, that you simply can not make everyone happy. Happy customers complete their business with you and smile, you receive no review. Unhappy customers will seek you out online and leave you a negative review, no matter how hard you tried to please them. Ask for reviews! Every customer that walks away with a smile ask them if they will go on Google, Yelp, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn and write you a review. Don’t forget to make sure all of your profiles are claimed and properly updated with good content, keywords and lots of photos. If you need help with all of these profiles, let me know.

Don’t Forget About Social Media

Many business owners feel that social media is just a waste of time. However, you are missing out on 30% more possible new leads by not being active on trusted social media sites. Social media is a great way to answer queries, interact with your customers and post new keyword relevant content, which will increase your visibility and show that you are an authority in your industry. With that much content being constantly updated, this will help you show closer to the top of a search engine, such as Google and bring in more new customers.

Google has an average of 6 algorithm changes per day, some of these are huge changes and can really affect your rankings. Taking preventative steps with a good website, SEO and social media will help you avoid a big loss of customers during the transition times of these updates. Usually you really don’t have to worry much, but better be safe and get those social media profiles claimed, created, updated and posted to.

There are 100’s of social media profiles that you can create, but for now, just concentrate on the top used sites. This will take a lot of time, so you need to determine if your hourly rate is worth taking that time for. Would it be smarter to have you pay a company to do all of this professionally? How much do you make per hour? If you run the numbers, take care of your social media marketing can break down to about $1 per hour, depending on how aggressive you need to be. To know how strong of a program you might need or how many hours you need to put into your digital marketing will depend on these four things; the physical location of your company, the number of competitors that you are competing against, how optimized your website is, and how integrated your social media profiles are.

Create an SEO Optimized Website

Just having a website isn’t good enough, you must create a website that is SEO optimized, has good long-tail key-phrases about your products and services, have an appealing look with an easy-to-use design, has a good analytics tool in the HTML coding, includes good link strategy for on-site links and off-site backlinks and has professionally written relevant content, as well as so many other technical things that are needed for a good website. Most business owners just don’t have the knowledge to create a website that will advertise your company effectively, nor do they have the time to sit all day creating one. The best option here is to find a competent company that hosts and creates websites and let them take that monster out of your hands.

I was just talking to an HVAC company yesterday, he didn’t understand this concept and needed me to explain it a bit more simply.  I mentioned that I could never install an air conditioning system because I don’t have near enough knowledge to take on that task.  It’s the same thing, he doesn’t have the knowledge to create an optimized effective website, but we do.  I’ll need to hire him to fix my furnace, just like he needs to take advantage of my knowledge in digital marketing and hire me. Makes sense right?  He is a smart man. 

Backlinks are #1 

Don’t forget about backlinks! Backlinks are one of the most significant needed parts of a good website and good digital marketing.  SEO isn’t enough, a website isn’t enough, social media isn’t enough, if you don’t have backlinks. Unfortunately, backlinks are the most difficult part to achieve in a good marketing strategy. 

Backlinks are the links on a different website that direct back to one of your specific pages.  It shows that you are relevant and an authority to new customers and more importantly to Google.  With the algorithms in place, Google determines who is the best possible company to serve up on a keyword search and decides which of those results would be the best option to put at the top.  Without backlinks, it would be extremely difficult to achieve first page results with your digital marketing strategies.  Make sure you are only getting quality backlinks, as Google can tell if they are not relevant and will blacklist your company, resulting in a loss of business and money. 

I’ve been in the digital marketing world for over 15 years now. Oh, the stories I could tell about people giving so much time and effort to do their own online marketing. If you put enough constant effort into your marketing, you can succeed, but most business owners that I have worked with simply does not have the time, as they are working hard, making clients happy and usually putting in an average of 12 hour days just to bring in the bacon.

Research online, find a good company with great 5 star reviews.. Then go for it.

Yes, I Am Moving Out

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When a man says one thing, but means another. Talk about shredding my heart into tiny peaces, over and over again. I never knew that the heart can go from one extreme to anther in such fast succession, until just recently. I’m still shaken up and I have no idea how long it will take for me to get over this feeling of disrespect, abandonment and betrayal.

After years of abuse I finally found a guy, lets call him Ron, that I felt something romantic for. I thought that would be impossible as I’ve shut down my heart, scared to feel again and had pushed away every man that desperately tried to unlock my heart. I got used to being a single woman and convinced myself that I actually preferred it this way. Less chance of being hurt again. I thought Ron was different. He treated me pretty good, respected my mental and physical pain and was very understanding of the triggers that abuse had caused me to develop.

I worked on these triggers for years and actually thought I had processed through most of them. Having a man in my life made them real again and I was surprised that I reacted to some of them as quickly and as negatively as I did. I knew I still had work to do, but now I had urgency to complete the process, so I didn’t drive my new fellow away. Don’t get me wrong, Ron had plenty of baggage that he brought into this relationship, but he acted like he was pretty perfect already and really didn’t needed to work on them. In being responsible for my part, knowing that the older we get, the more baggage we acquire, I had to work much harder than when I was young to keep a good relationship a float.

With 60% of relationships ending once you’ve already been through a divorce the first time, can you imagine the odds at a 3rd relationship, a 4th, 5th or 6th relationship? I had given up, no more relationships for me, but then this guy inserted himself into my life and wouldn’t give up until I invited him into my life and my heart. Ron stood at my door crying, begging to be in my life, desperately trying to convince me that a relationship with him would be different, better than what I have had in the past. How could I resist that?

He had convinced me that he was dedicated to making this relationship work and I was hopeful to finally have a man treat me with kindness, so I let him move from his tiny rotten, shell of a place to my large beautiful home. We had worked on several issues, enjoyed many events and went on many adventures and I felt closer to him than ever. It had been several years and I felt we were finally getting to the point where we were both on the same page, wanted the same future and was going to continue to build this relationship. I trusted that we would always communicate, discuss our issues and work things out together. Ron was so convincing that I actually felt we would be together until death do us part.

A surprise? How exciting, my man has never surprised me before and I was thrilled that he finally stepped up his game and was going to do something to show me that I was his beloved. He picked me up at my office and drove me over to an old. ugly, small home with a terrible weed ridden yard. I was surprised for sure. I thought he was just looking to buy it for a rental property, so I was trying to be supportive and encouraging. I went through every room with him, we talked about what room looked the best, what furniture would look good, what could be done with the yard. The whole time I’m wondering what I’m doing there and why was it a surprise for me?

I then discovered that, this fellow of mine, actually bought this house, site unseen, no research done and paid way too much for it. Ron started moving his stuff over immediately and with fervent effort. Every night after work he took van after van load over, working until way after I went to bed. I kept asking him if he was moving out, but he responded with trivial babble, manipulative words and confusing messages over and over again. Sometimes I felt he wanted to be together, others it felt like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. The emotional roller coaster ride was overwhelming my physical pain. Over and over I begged him to communicate with me, tell me what he is feeling, what he wants and if he still wants to be in a relationship with me. There were many moments that he was treating me rude, snappy and made me felt as if he wanted me to get on my knees and beg him to stay, to kiss his toes and be submissive to him. I’m not that kind of girl, so finally I asked him to just be straight with me, “Are you moving out? Yes or No.”. His response was, “Yes, I am moving out.”

Excuse me? No discussions. No indication. I had no idea he wanted to move out, but when I asked him about it he mentioned that he expected me to move over with him. I had lived in my home for 15 years, put at least $50,000 into it and planned on living here until I died. Now, out of the blue, with no warning at all, Ron expected me to move to a home that is smaller, ugly as a cow walking backwards and leave the home I raised my daughters in, worked tirelessly to restore and spent a lot of sweat and tears living in. I tried to explain to him how devastating this could be for me, how many triggers he just set off, the feeling of abandonment he has created in me and what a roller coaster of emotions and physical pain that he is causing me. He didn’t seem to care, wouldn’t listen to reason and kept moving his things over, night after night, until nearly everything he owned was located at the new house.

Over the next week or so, he kept asking me when I’m going to move my things over, what size of a dresser did I want over there, what color would I like the house painted, etc. I kept reminding him that I didn’t plan on moving over, but he just ignored my words and kept up his act. If I felt secure, confident and felt like I could trust that we were going to still be a couple, I actually wouldn’t mind finding a home together, discussing where we wanted to live together, what style house we want to live in and how much we would like our payments to be together. Yet, now, after all of this abandonment and betrayal, I have no belief that I we are even a couple. I felt like we had digressed back to just being friends, there was no romantic inclinations from either of us. At this point he was ignoring me most of the time and I was letting him. The disturbing part is that I didn’t mind and welcomed the extra solitude he was proving me.

Ron spend his first weekend at his new house and while there he thought I would be yearning for him at home, anxiously waiting for his return, begging for his touch when he returned. He was disappointed to find out that it didn’t take me long to rediscover myself again. I start doing things with my friends again, working on myself and actually being happy again! The stress levels decreased ten fold while he was gone. What a splendid weekend, the best I had since he moved in several years ago. Of course he didn’t like that much and started questioning my every move, who I was with, how long we were together, what we were doing, etc. It was Ron that caused all of this new freedom of choice for me which set me free and I was so grateful.

After all of this happened, this fellow made great efforts to get back on my good side and fix the relationship, yet he still has a new, very large, house payment now and feels it necessary to spend every other weekend there. He often begged me to go with him and stay at this house, but I decided that on his weekends away, I got to plan on going and doing the things that I used to love to do; be productive, enjoy nature, take care of chores and home improvements. His decision to trick and deceive me has been the trigger for me to increase the value of myself, my life and my future, with or without him. Suffering with is bad decision and not having the courage to discuss with me how it was affecting him, he ended up moving permanently into his house. A new start for both of us. I still love him and always will, but new beginnings are often exactly what we needed.